sandy1969

..doesn’t mean I havent been trying.  I have been conscious every day of trying to control what I do.  Over the past year I have struggled with the same 15 pounds or so.  On good weeks I drop down to around 315, but after a few days of slacking I pop back up intot he 320-325 range.  I know I need something to light a fire under my butt to get me past this hurdle and into the 200’s.  I also know that I dont think I will see that in December.  We ALL know how December is.

One reason I am struggling is a lack of understanding.  All websites say that a person of my weight can eat about 2200-2300 calories a day for a maintain.  I dont eat that much every day…and I am on my feet constantly!  I am not saying I am -500 calories a day but surely an average of 2000 calories a day should mean a slow loss, not a STOP!  I dont know.  I am going to re-evaluate after Christmas (but still be mindful during the whole holiday season and not go totally nuts) and then begin again.

I have a new position at work and my hours, although not defined in just one time slot…are more regular than they were.  No more late nights and hopefully some weekends off.

Losing weight is SO difficult unless you have a set schedule.  I thought it would be easier with a job.  NOPE!

Maybe there is something else going on with me also like PCOS.  I have suspected I have this for some time, although not diagnosed by a Dr.  I hear it is hard to lose weight if you have this condition.

Oh well just keeping my finger in the pie (so to speak)  Have not quit and did not want my supporters thinking I have jumped ship!

Have a wonderfully joyous holiday season with your families and loved ones!

Sandy

SO I’m watching the Biggest Loser the other night…it’s very inspiring for me (what can I say?)…although I don’t agree with some of the training technique when it comes to all of the mind stuff.  I don’t think you have to be mad and pissed off to reach something within yourself to do this.  Sometimes it just sneaks up on you and comes in quiet revelations.

So one contestant, and I couldn’t even tell you really WHO said this, but they said something about reinventing themselves and it really stuck with me.  In fact it’s been an almost constant thought for me for 2 days.  That is my mission.  No I am not going to drastically change my personality…but through weight loss I know my personality will change on it’s own.  I want to do many things before I leave this world.  I want to travel, go to shows and concerts, get up off the ground if I have to without struggling…things I havent even thought of I want to do!  So, I am reinventing myself through a bodily change.

I am just a simple person striving for more than I’ve had…with less than I have…lol. If that makes sense. I want a fuller life as my body thins out and gets healthier. I want to grow as I shrink. I want to blossom as I diminish.

This has been a good week.

Ok I know I went AWOL…I just stepped back for a while.  We had a few computer issues and I used that as an excuse to take days off the computer at a time and then only for very short periods of time.  Hubby came home with new  computer but I was so out of the habit by then of checking myself and checking in that I just continued to let myself go.  Very uninspired I was.  I was not going to come in here until I had lost the weight I had gained back, but here I am like a bad penny.  The last time you saw me I was at like 312…Monday I was 328, but this AM I was 320.  I spent the week eating right and drinking plenty of water and got rid of some of it…and, I must say, I have had more determination this week than I have had in the past several months.  I’ve been hitting the bike again and just plain starting over.  I’ve revisited my old stomping grounds and recored my weights and set new goals…which is…299 by Christmas.  Not a huge goal but one I’ll be happy to reach.

Next summer I want to do things and go places and that’s been on my mind alot this week.  Getting back into my “good” eating patterns and…I must say this, I did not realise how much I was missing my kellogg’s chocolate protein shakes and how well they helped curb my hunger….seriously check them out!

Well I will take a gander at the blogs and see who is still around now…hope to see some old buddies!

I have not blogged here for quite a long while.  I know a lot of you have never seen me or heard of me.  But I am lurking in the shadows…lol.  Im not a newbie.  I just felt I had nothing to write about because I was just treading along.  Never quite doing enough to go past a barrier I created yet not slipping up too badly that I had a landslide of weight gain that’s done me in.  For last Friday’s weigh in I finally (by some miracle…) obtained a loss that broke the barrier of the last 4-5 months.

I did not want to immediately jump on here and go…OHHH look at me and what I did, because frankly I am not even sure how I lost weight.  I mean I exercised a few days and we skipped the usual weekend pizza-fest.  All I know is that instead of now hovering at the 315-320 range…I am in the 312-315 range…lol.  WOOP!

I did purchase an exercise step at a yard sale for…get this, $2!  I am pretty stoked about that.  Tomorrow I plan to use it after the kids go to school and I have the house all to myself so when I am huffing and puffing they dont freak out…lol!

I have had goals and more often than not I havent met them…yet here I am still trying.  Goals dont kill you if you cant get there…just get there a little later than you planned, but don’t stop trying.

New goal  299 in 5 weeks.  -13 pounds.  Hmmm.

This morning’s weigh in, the first weigh in in nearly a week says 318.  That’s after getting home at nearly 4AM from work and then awake again at 9…to get ready for work again at noon.  This has been a week from H E double hockey sticks.

On a brighter note…my husband bought me a 2011 chevy cruze the other day.  Woo!  I have never had a car payment, I am thinking it’s gonna suck…lol.

I am not making very much weight loss headway and I belong to a challenge on another group and I feel bad that I am doing so crappy.  I think TOM is approaching though so perhaps next week will be better.

Time to go to work…uggghhh!

This week I am reporting my weigh in of Wednesday which was 314.  Why?  Because I can…hehe.  That is my reporting day on sparkpeople for the summer challenge I am in so Im giving it for this week here.

Seriously, the last several days have been just plain BAD.

Food bad, sleep bad and water bad.  To top that off we’ve been traveling quite a bit.  The other morning my children’s grandpa (my ex-father in law) passed away.  My daughter was away at camp and I had to go get her and bring her home…then we had to do various things to get ready for the services and THEN we drove across southern Ohio today (twice)to attend the funeral.

So I have no weight today, but I can report this.  I saw…”saw” 313 this week BEFORE all of this and then TOM hit too.  Yesterday morning saw 320 which totally pissed me off but I can not “really” weigh that since the numbers don’t add up.  Right?  So blah!

However, I can squeeze into 26W jeans (barely…but they button!) and 26/28 pants and when I began I was a 36W or a 34/36.  I bought 2 pairs at walmart and they were $14 a pair and not $35 out of those stupid lane bryant catalogs.  The first time I weighed 314 a couple months ago I tried them on at walmart and they would not fit at all.

I have to be at work at 6AM tomorrow so that means up at 4ish…egads that sucks thinking about it.

No not that!! You dirty minded people!  HA!

Today I woke up with more determination than I have seen in myself in a long time.  I did the weights, I did the bike, grabbed that huge glass of water and I feel better.

275 is on the inside of my hand to remind me of my end of Sept goal.  Today it is a goal, the true meaning of the word.  Not just a term I slap on something and am pretty blase’ about it.  Yes, you know the difference I know you do!

My foot still pains me but thanks to a pretty good foot rub the other night and constant stretching it has indeed eased up.  At least, the plantar fascitis part.  The inflamation from the heel spurs or bone spurs on the inside heel still feels like someone trying to stick a thumbtack from the inside of my foot outward still suprises me at times.

I was off yesterday.  It was our 2nd wedding anniversary.  Wasnt that eventful if you dont count the flowers, cards and tornadoes!  Flowers were lovely, cards were funny and the tornados did not damage anything that was ours or families…a couple trees got hit and a few barns within 3-4 miles of us…no one was hurt!

I go into work tonight for 4.5 hours and am off tomorrow!  WOO HOO!  Then for the next several days back at it full steam.

I started working in Feb and I have lost 5-7 pounds in the last 4 months.  Totally sucking!  I CAN do better!

I watched the last half of extreme makeover last night…the makeover show about weight loss.  Very inspiring, dreaming of skin removal surgery!  lol  Hope they do follow-ups to see who kept at it.

Viv, have to say that when I was on my bike I was thinking of you.  You are about to pass me in weight loss and I dont think I like that!  lol…but in a competitive way only…you rock girl!

Weight this morning 316…what will weigh in day bring?

Thank you for checking up on me Wildcats!  Yeah I am still going at it, although not so successfully.  Weird eating times, caramel frappe’s and this foot of mine are all my downfalls.  I think I have gained 3-4 pounds in the last 3 weeks or so.  Not huge gain but not in the direction I want to go.  I also, since my meals are all scattered here and there have these huge weight fluctuations.  One week I was 313, the next 325 (TOM did not help) and then 315 and now 318.  Follow the bouncing ball!

I can not tell you how excrusiatingly (SPELLING?  LOL) painful my foot hurts by the end of the night at work.  I have it taped right now and I iced it earlier…taking steps to get this taken care of.  I have had this (plantar fascitis) before and have been to the Dr before and have even had thearpy for it years ago so I know what to do, it just takes time.  Stretch, ice, tape and a good arch support and cushion.  I am bad about walking barefooted, that’s a no no.

I woke up just a bit ago and the first thing on my mind was…man I need to pee.  lol  The 2nd thing on my mind was it’s Friday and it’s weigh in day for me on this site.

Duh duh duh duhhhhh  313.  1 pound gone.  101 gone.  Ok maybe I broke through and am on my way again…maybe!

Am trying to talk myself into a bike ride, feel all groggy right now.  Did put chicken on to cook so I can have a big salad for lunch (breakfast) with chicken in it…yummy.

Everyone have a great weekend.

If anyone cares I am still around, barely.  lol.  I am still trying, but give into cravings that arent good for me.  My mood is, well…today I am a bit depressed.

We have been looking for cars.  I cashed in my PERS account from my old job and we are to pay down the credit card, possibly build a garage and buy a car.  I started out saying a $4000 car would be ok.  I can find NOTHING worth having at that price.  Then $9-10,000 was ok, but I pushed it to 12…cause I REALLY liked the chevy malibu.  Well we test drove it and now I dont like it so much.  SO, my husband’s sister just got a Chevy Cruze.  We checked it out and I fell in love.  Yesterday we went to the car lot and drove one…LOVE LOVE.  My husband says, is this the one you want?  I said yes!!  He liked it.  We got the price, the monthly payment.  $400.  We get home and discuss it and my husband says we can’t afford it.

I know we can’t, but why did the jerk let me pick out a color and everything before he told me that?  GOD I hate it when he does that crap.  So, right now I am moody and trying not to be.

You see I also have a lot in the town I used to live in that I have up for sale.  Once it is sold, or it had been sold already I think we might have been able to swing the car payment.  We just have a lot of things up in the air right now…

Yesterday my husband says he made a Dr appointment to have his knee checked out.  Well great, he needs to do that I know…but I have no insurance on myself…and I have been telling him that I need to go to the Dr for months now…but I have put it off because I know it would be expensive to add me to his coverage…we have been really stretched.  But then I get to thinking…here is yet ANOTHER thing where he gets something from this…and here I sit with Lord knows what wrong with me and can’t do a thing about it.

SO…right now I am very irrationally thinking that 1.  We will pay down this stupid credit card, and 2. he will get his garage and 3. He will get his knee taken care of and 4. I wont get a damn thing.

I know I am being childish to an extent…but that’s just the mood I am in.

I have looked online today at cars but once you get your hopes up and find that brand new shiney car you love, there is just no going back to searching the used section.  ANOTHER reason I am ticked at the hubby.

I am hovering around the 316 mark.  I have not officially weighed in for over a week, sorry WILDCATS.  I have been working strange hours and can’t seen to be at a scale at the right time.

I did enter another summer challenge on Sparkpeople, it begins June 8th.

I recognise that I need to find some enthusiasm for this whole process again. It’s been so long since I have bought smaller (although NOT smaller to most of you) clothing than I am in now that I forget what it feels like.   It’s like stepping into a dark room…with snakes…lol.  OK maybe that’s a little over dramatic!

I have to go to work later and work till midnight…oh joy!  Then tomorrow is almost as bad.

GRIPE GRIPE GRIPE…lol  sorry.